Widowed father dating daughter unhappy
“Whenever they catch me in a lapse like not knowing the day’s date—I mean, I know it’s a Thursday, but is it the 21st or 22nd of the month? “I do enjoy their company, but I also find myself looking for excuses to see them less often.”So what older parents looking for in relationships with their adult children?” Whenever she has trouble finding the right word, “they exchange these long, meaningful looks.” The only thing their scrutiny accomplished, she told me, was putting her on edge when they spent time together. In a 2004 study, two professors from the State University of New York at Albany, the public-health professor Mary Gallant and the sociologist Glenna Spitze, explored the issue in interviews with focus groups of older adults.Among their findings: Their participants “express strong desire for both autonomy and connection in relations with their adult children, leading to ambivalence about receiving assistance from them.They define themselves as independent but hope that children’s help will be available as needed.At the main table, Leah was surrounded by her family: two sons, their wives, seven grandchildren. a beautiful family, all my tablemates agreed.“While we’re on the subject of families …” I began.I asked the women about their own families, specifically about anything they might want to say to their own adult children.
For them it’s a game, except I don’t feel like playing.
A recent study by Zarit and his colleagues looked at parental stubbornness as a complicating factor in intergenerational relationships.
Not surprisingly, adult children were more likely to say their parents were acting stubborn than the parents were to see the behavior in themselves.
Several years ago, I wrote a book aimed at helping adult children of my generation manage the many challenges of caring for our aging parents.
I interviewed women and men across the country about their struggles and successes.