Who is risky dating
Risk is balancing the likelihood that something will happen against the severity of consequences or outcomes if it does happen. they'll probably quack a lot and peck me (likelihood of something negative happening- HIGH) But I’m not going to get anything more than some light peck-bruising on my shins (consequences - MILD) HIGH LIKELIHOOD MILD CONSEQUENCES = eh, why not. Here are the elements of the date you just proposed: A man I don't know well Who now knows where I live Meeting alone in an isolated space away from other people To a space that he knows and controls To have drinks that I will not be preparing and may not know the contents of In an area of town that may not be easy for me to leave What is the likelihood that something bad will happen? Harassment and stalking now that you know where I live... Don't walk home alone Don't let strangers walk you home Carry pepper spray You made him mad by fighting back Why didn't you fight back harder?
Then you have to decide what your risk threshold is - how risky something has to seem before it's not acceptable to you. I'm going to wade through this group of angry ducks! An escalated risk of violence or retaliation due to lack of public observation if I have to extract myself from unwanted advances... Don't act confrontational Don't act like a pushover Don't draw attention to yourself Dress appropriately You should have let him down easier When we fail to successfully do all the things we're supposed to and get harmed, we're very likely to hear Well, you were kind of asking for it...
So I'm looking forward to finally meeting you this weekend! One thing I have to think about, even though I'd rather not, even when I just want to have a date with someone who seems pretty cool, is risk. We're expected to perform risk calculations comprehensively and accurately all the time, and we're expected to always choose correctly and prudently.
It goes like this: That's a really tone-deaf and unfortunate thing to say. It's important to remember that society very often places the responsibility for preventing harassment, stalking, assault and abuse on women, femmefolk, and other groups who are likely to experience sexual/intimate violence or assault.
There's a bar I like on college street - or is there somewhere you'd prefer to grab a drink or a coffee? ---- In the unlikely event that you do assault me, here's what I will get when I try to speak up about it to authorities or others: Why did you go home alone with him? So you're (insistently) asking me to meet under circumstances that pose increased risk.
Risk is an equation that we have to calculate all the time! But if you're not..potential outcomes are bad to severe: Having a creepy guy creep on me without easy options for me to end the date early... We are expected to constantly take actions to reduce the likelihood that we may be harmed by others and reduce the severity of the harm we endure.
Guys get together to watch sports or play video games. Imagine if you just took this whole topic off the table for a month. One night, shortly into my “dick detox,” I started reading a book. If you spend each week on a single date, that’s 0 a month (and that’s a cheap date! We may not pay for as many dates, but time spent getting ready alone is at least two hours per date.
Not to mention makeup, nails, blowouts, perfume, outfits, etc.
Tune in for this week’s Risky Tips with our favorite female comedian, Kate Quigley. That feeling was something I had never truly mastered. I know a month isn’t long, but it only takes a few days to break a pattern. I haven’t even gone back to dating yet, or even flirty texting guys. I don’t have to worry about getting let down or letting anyone down because I’m behind on work.
That would be a lot more comfortable for me for our first meeting. - Wow, I think it's pretty messed up that you're just default assuming I'm a creepy rapist or something. Sometimes, in my head, we have a conversation about this. That's what you get for meeting strangers from the internet. ..the social and legal support I would attempt to access to address those consequences are diminished and compromised because of judgement around my decision to meet you despite the risks.
- It's no problem, I can pick you up and we can hang out at my house. - I'd really rather meet downtown in a bar or something. Did you watch him make the drinks or did you just take whatever he gave you? Even though the likelihood of you harming me is low, the consequences of the possibility that you will are significant...
It makes everyone want to be a part of your energy, and it adds a bit of mystery to you.
But I promise you this: When it’s time to retox, you guys better be ready.