Recovering after dating a borderline
You want to spend every minute of the day with them because you find them so interesting, so much fun, and so enjoyable to be around.
Having such strong emotions make people with BPD incredibly empathetic, and because of this we find it easy to connect with people on an emotional level quickly.
In my somewhat limited but quite eventful 26 years of experience, as a person with BPD, the way to make it work with that person is always communication.
If you communicate clearly and honestly then you get rid of that fear of the unknown, the fear that you’ll disappear, and the fear they have of not being good enough.
Some people pull away for space, which is possibly the hardest thing for us to take.
This may be because it’s thought that BPD could stem from early attachment issues in childhood, so another of the main symptoms is a ‘chronic fear of abandonment (real or perceived)’.
One of the main symptoms of BPD, which I think is almost universal, is a ‘chronic feeling of emptiness’.
Dropping a message before you start working for the day to say you have a busy one ahead, but you’re thinking of them and will call later, will stop the midday freak out, because they know you care about them and they know you’re OK.
If you’re unhappy with them, don’t act cold and distant – be up front and speak to them so you both understand each other and this can help them stay in control of their emotions.
Think of it as installing an emotional stair lift for that broken leg til it heals.
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If you fall for someone with BPD then I won’t lie, you will be in for an experience you may not have had before.